


The Healer (A Kylo Ren Fanfiction) *COMPLETED*

by oheycallmek



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Kylo Ren (Comics)
Genre: Action & Romance, Action Dueling, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Anger Management, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Caretaking, Complete, Conflicted Kylo Ren, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Fate & Destiny, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, Force-Sensitive Original Character(s), Forehead Kisses, Good versus Evil, Hurts So Good, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Love Confessions, No Smut, Original Character(s), POV Alternating, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Kylo Ren, Reader-Insert, Redeemed Ben Solo, Relationship(s), Short & Sweet, Skywalker Family Drama, Sleepy Cuddles, Snoke Being a Dick, Soft Kylo Ren, Soulmates, That's Not How The Force Works, The Dark Side of the Force, The First Order Sucks, The Force Ships It, Therapy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Well-Written, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23600392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oheycallmek/pseuds/oheycallmek
Summary: My job was one of much importance on the Finalizer, one that many believed to be the most dangerous. Supreme Leader made it a routine of his to let open the floogates, allow the strength of his childish rage to seap through, and General Armitage Hux employed only the strongest to deal with his impertinence because he couldn't do so himself...This is my story.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren & Reader, Kylo Ren & You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 25





	1. Keeper of His Secrets

I made my way down a lengthy hallway to my destination, chest out, spine tall, feet quickly hitting the metal floorboards. I passed by a series of troopers and gave a proper nod in their direction, my chin held high in defiance. The gesture was immediately reciprocated.

My job was one of much importance on the Finalizer, one that many believed to be the most dangerous. Master Ren made it a routine of his to let open the floodgates, allow the strength of his childish rage to seep through, and General Armitage Hux employed only the strongest to deal with his impertinence because he couldn't do so himself. Many had been hired in this position, but many failed. Most resulted in business termination, and in some, unfortunate cases, physical termination.

I arrived at a ten foot tall door made of sheer metal and promptly removed the leather glove from my hand. Reaching forward, I placed my open palm against the smooth service of the glass.

"Official 1311. Proceed." The nasal, human-like tone of the automatic scanner initiated its sequence with a gentle click and a beep and the door lifted.

I took both gloves and balled them up before entering, securing them into the side pocket of my uniform and snapping the button shut.

The evidence of Master’s frustration made itself known to me as soon as I walked into his quarters. Wires hung from the ceiling and were splayed in half, hissing to life. Fist-sized divots were punched into the walls and thick, grey smog clung around my ankles, a warm winter blanket over the floor. Dark saber slashes lined the walls, the smell of charred, breathy burn assaulting my nose as I inhaled.

It was truly, purely chaos, and I was now in the very center of it all.

"Master Ren, sir...?" I voiced strongly, but not too strong as to further upset the man before me.

There he stood, a shadow, back turned from me at the front of his bed. His helmet lay in shambles at his feet.

"Leave." His voice was an icy dagger.

I cleared my throat and allowed my chest to inflate, "Sir, General Hux has called me to my station.”

A beat passed between us before he spoke again. "...And what did I just say?"

His voice was significantly louder now, words spilling through the gapped teeth of his clenched jaw as he turned around to view me. His eyes cut like glass. They were sharp and defiant, but they threatened to let a few, uneasy tears fall from their pools as he protested my leads. His breathing was ragged, his shoulders practically tensed to the lobes of his ears peeking out from under his shaggy, black tresses.

"Sir, if you would just-"

He turned away again; chin sliding just over his shoulder as he interjected, "I do not require your assistance at this time, Official 1311. You are to excuse yourself _at once_."

I walked forward cautiously, my hands scoping their way over to his helmet and lifting what was left of it off of the ground. My fingers graced the vibrant red lines in admiration.

"Care to tell me what all of this is about...?" I asked gently, thrusting the pile of broken odds and ends his way.

Without further warning, the man's hand shot out, a strength emanating from his fingertips and finding its way to me. The helmet fell from between my palms, the clang nearly stopping my heart. I was pushed against the wall, the energy pressing deep into my chest, grappling at the curve of my throat. I coughed out, choking on my own tongue as he whipped around. The corners of his mouth flipped over to reveal sharp incisors, a sneer forming as he made an advance towards me.

"Why don't you ever listen to me? I am your LEADER. You are to obey my commands, officer." His voice was a poignant whisper, nose scrunching in anger as he jeered.

"Sir...p-please...I-"

"Did I say you could speak?"

I gawked, the pit in my stomach curdling with bile, leaving a sour taste in my mouth that bit at the buds of my tongue.

"He sent you in, for what purpose? To clean up after me? To avoid any further damage to the ship?"

With that, the anger in my belly grew, "You know...all too well...why I...am here, sir..." I coughed desperately; widened pupils digging into him as I slowly began to wield myself of his force hold.

I escaped his grip as quickly as I had entered it, lifting my arm and shooting the same energy out and over to him. He huffed as it pressed into his shoulders, wincing only slightly as he pushed back with a vengeance. We stood a few feet away from one another, an imaginary wall beginning to push us farther and farther apart like two polar magnets.

The Force pulsed to life, and with that, he lost his balance, tripping over his ankles and falling with a thud against his bedside table, the legs of it breaking off like tree twigs.

I knew that his reaction would be far too quick for me, so I sprinted, long jumping over the bed as he thrust his arm forward. He found his footing again, his other hand grabbing at his side as he attempted to catch me with the other.

His efforts were no use. I climbed over any surface I could find…the ledge of the window, the tall dresser drawers, and even his bed…keeping my hand out and force pushing him back. His expression was one of complete, unadulterated rage as we continued to play our own personal game of cat and mouse. It was tantalizing how I was able to hold back a man nearly five times my size.

The chase was secretly exhilarating to me.

Right then and there, a single misstep and his energy hooked at the toe of my boot, causing my body to collapse face first onto the ground. He bolted forward; making sure his hand was quick to grab at the blade of shoulder. He pulled me up, throwing the full weight of my body into the wall and force holding me against my will.

In an instant, he ignited his saber, a streaming pool of scarlet shooting like a bullet from the hilt. He hoisted me up, power strong, putting me in my place.

"...And you know all too well how this ended the last time someone tried to push for answers."

He double-handed his weapon, brought it back, and in a millisecond of time, thrust it into the wall right beside me.

My eyes shut into perfect knots as I felt the fiery blade shake against the metal.

One wrong move could've ended this.

I slowly unshielded my eyes, a long, wavering breath kissing the skin of my lips as I exhaled. Suddenly, the man fell to his knees, boots scraping with a gentle squeak against the floor. It had taken every last ounce of his energy to wield the weaponry, and here and now, he was spent. He stared blankly, unblinking into the space between us as he took a steady breath in.

"...Forgive me." He muttered, his entire demeanor shifting.

I swallowed hard, the sound emanating in the silence. The sweat compiled on my brow now trickled like a stream down my cheeks. It was no longer the overwhelming strength of The Force keeping me from movement, but pure fear.

"Kylo." I spoke gently, finding it in myself to unstick myself from the safety of the wall.

He looked up at me, rage now replaced with regret. I sauntered over, bringing myself to my knees in front of him. I reached out, the flat of my palm cupping his cheek and savoring the warmth of his skin as he leaned into it, shutting his eyes.

"Be with me." I whispered, mimicking the gesture and closing the curtains of my lids as our foreheads slowly pressed together.

He sighed. I sighed. A strong, yet silent energy began to flow through my skin and sink into his. I could sense the tension in his muscles and it relaxed under the weight of my manipulation. His shoulders fell from his ears and settled into place.

As I pulled back, he looked up at me, eyes weary and practically begging for sleep.

"Everly..." He said finally, reciting my birth name as if it were poetry, a much different tone to the one he used to speak my officer label.

I drank up the moment, a beat passing before I broke away, my fingers still gripping the base of his forearms.

"Now...was it a miscalculation in our leads?" I asked gently.

"No." He responded.

"Has the Resistance fleet gone out of our tracking zone?"

"No."

"Then what...?"

"I-"

"Sir, if you're questioning whether or not your decision to execute the ship on Station 16 was the right one, it was. A bunch of wannabe First Order rats giving intell to the Resistance. No worth to us." I was quick to interject.

"No...no...it isn't that." He said, voice seeming distant.

"Come...?" I suggested, arms spread to him, situating my bottom onto the floor.

He nodded as I preceded to envelope him. My arms snuck around his shoulders, trying my best to compensate for their width. I placed a tender hand against his temple, pulling him forward, ear to my chest. I could feel his arms slowly snake around my torso and the warmth of his body fell simultaneously into me as he grew limp. This was a constant yet unspoken gesture between us, but I firmly believed that his mother had done this to him in childhood. It made him feel safe, whatever that meant to him.

"The pain. The anguish. I feel it...and I shouldn't." He spoke on a lengthy exhale, tears beginning to fall silently down his cheeks, roll over the hills of his birthmarks, and slowly melt into my lapel.

My fingers traced his forehead and through the sweat-soaked mess of hair that fell to his shoulders.

"My father…" He began.

I winced ever so slightly, "Sir, you don't have to-"

"The very moment he died...I felt it, but chose to ignore it. It haunts me from the moment I wake. His expression...his _eyes_...he saw something in me that I, myself, didn't have the strength to see."

His voice was stern and his body became completely rigid again. His large hands grasped a bit too tightly around my side, bruising the skin in the process. I paid it no mind as he began to shake, slow sobs finding their way out from within him. They were silent, but strong, the motion of his heaving chest pressing against my body. He was crumbling.

“Shhh…rest now. Please. For me.” My voice was strained, heart shattering in my chest.

His head shook, teeth clenched past the point of breaking as he spoke, “I can’t undo what has been done. I’ve tried far too many times. I believed it would set me free, yet it hasn’t.”

Brushing a fingernail over the moisture that collected at the apple of his cheek, I sighed deeply, “Your power goes unaccredited, Kylo. I’ve seen it day in and day out. The strength you exude is enough to lead an entire galaxy, bring the Jedi to their knees.”

“I’m _weak_...I’m _weak_ …I’m _weak_ and he _KNEW_ that. He believed that there was still _good_ in me, Everly.” He hissed out, shoulders stiffening, words tumbling from his lips in long, breathy beats.

Everything the First Order stood for had been questioned in that single sentence. He _was_ good, in truth. Good for _us_ , at least. Our goal was quite simple, and Kylo Ren was at the very head of the operations. He, himself, gave us answers to questions we didn’t even know we had.

"I won’t deny that there’s good in you, sir. Your head is clear, your motives are pure, and no one could be as competent at their job as you. You were MEANT for this.”

My voice was tender, forgiving, but it clearly wasn't enough to sway his anxious mind.

"You’re not understanding...he believed that-...that I could-..."

He hesitated for a short moment, his thumb finding its way to his lips, teeth biting skin, nursing the emotions that continued to shake him.

"Kylo..." I spoke gently, taking his hand in mine, fingers interlocking.

He let the air escape his chest, calming only slightly before continuing, "He believed that I could turn again. Become one with the light.”

The man had never spoken to anyone about his past. I was the only living soul that knew the name he once went by, and I used that information to my utmost advantage. While I was a loyal official, a follower of the First Order, a small part of me, and I didn't know how small a part that may be, ached for the man I hadn’t known…secretly feeling as though I already had.

"Impossible,” I noted curtly, “That isn’t who you are.”

Kylo motioned his head upward, round, rashy eyes starring so innocently, and then suddenly pushing my body away as if it had been tainted by an outside source. He slid across the floor, bringing his knees to his chest a few footsteps away from me now, wanting nothing to do with physical affection.

"But what if he _is??_ " He growled, angered that I would even suggest otherwise, tucking his chin in between his legs like a dog would with its tail, “I need to be free from this pain…from this _person_ …”

  
I thought for a moment, critically analyzing my words as I would a pen to paper.

“You were set free the moment you found your place in the dark, Kylo. The path is ultimately yours to take, but wherever it is you end up; I am at your loyal command and won’t hesitate to follow.”

His eyes flashed again with frustration and his posture straightened instinctively as he stood up, hands balling into perfectly rounded fists.

"No..." He began, voice hardening as he began to pace back and forth, "I am one with the First Order. I will not give in...I cannot give in..."

I took his rapidly increasing anger as my cue to stand. I hurried over, stopping him mid strut, his looming body practically causing me to topple over. I took his fist in my hand and uncurled his tightly wound fingers. His jaw flexed as he desperately attempted to keep them stuck, but with my energy surrounding him, he couldn't help but give in to my action.

"And so you won't, Master." I noted curtly, the ghost of a smile playing on my lips.

Kylo reached forward, two large hands pressing warmth into my cheeks. The breath compiled in my chest left me as he did so. The expression on his face sent a trickle of energy down the base of my spine and it tickled each nerve.

"When the First Order takes them down...when _I_ take them down...you _do_ know that the rest of the galaxy will need to be led...by a _pair_..."

Kylo's thumb graced my lower lip, his eyes flashing between each of mine, searching for something that seemed just out of reach.

"And you… _Everly_ …” He spoke in a whisper.

My stomach twisted like a weighted ball of yarn. My name in his mouth was a melody I wished to play on repeat in the vulnerable comfort of my bed. I knew where this was going, yet I refused to believe that this could be my reality.

“You are the only one of worth.”

It came out as a demand more so than a request. The concept was one I had only ever dreamt of. I never truly believed that Master Ren, my superior, could see such potential in me, despite being as Force-sensitive as I was.

"I...I don't know what to say...I-"

As if they hadn't already, words failed to come naturally and tumbled out passed my tongue like stones.

"You keep me...sturdy...in line...or as much as I can be. My temper-"

"Is admittedly quite a lot." I finished, a small laugh escaping me.

He showed no amusement, but slowly leaned down, pressing a pair of warm and waiting lips against the center of forehead. I placed my palm flat against the center of his chest in response to his touch. I could feel the eager pounding of his heart against my skin and I could swear each beat was synced with my own. His taut fingers curled into my hair as he kissed me. When he pulled back, he questioned me with his expression.

"You're… _afraid_...I feel it...I _hear_ it...your heart..." Without a second thought, he pressed his palm hard against the left of my chest, “It’s racing.”

My cheeks flushed, color nearly draining from them as vulnerability became me. My internal struggle was clear as crystal to him and I didn't know what to do about that fact. My head bowed in embarrassment, and to be quite honest, slight arousal that he could sense things in me that I tried desperately to keep hidden.

"It's...strange. I've never before been able to sense such fear in you. Even in the heat of a chase, you've shown me how composed you can be."

I placed my hand over top of his and removed it from me, taking a small step away from his looming figure.

"That's because this is a tall order, Kylo...to LEAD is asking... _a lot_ of me." I noted, eyebrows furrowed, arms curling around myself.

"Well, I see it...I know you do too..."

I tilted my head to the side, eyes scanning the room for answers before landing on him once more, "W-what do you mean...?"

Kylo took a step forward, closing in on me as his thumb and forefinger pitched my chin and forced me up and into his eye line, "A vision...whenever you're instructed to come here, it calls out to me...”

I was caught, unable to control my thoughts from wandering to the visual that always found its way to the forefront of my mind. It never had occurred to me that such a thing could be seen, even from a higher power. I thought that I could be safe inside my own head, but clearly, that was no longer so.

I was trapped.

"I've always known, Everly...the throne room...darkly lit...two seats being occupied...I in one, you in the other...a part of you demands it be so, like fate...it MUST be so..."

As the picture in my mind flashed in front of me, a pain caught the roof of my mouth, the slight but searing discomfort of brain freeze.

"Get out...of my...head..." I whispered, a dull, pounding ache spreading to my temples as he invaded the corners of my subconscious, "Please..." I begged.

I began to shake vigorously, the tables turning as I was the one now desperately seeking comfort. He could sense my distress and snapped back, the tantalizing visual melting away as quickly as it had been presented to me.

"Everly, there is no one that knows me as well as you...you've kept secrets from my inferiors, you've grappled with even the worst of me, and with The Force...you're strong."

The words seethed out from his warm, rounded lips. He was practically drooling.

"As strong as I _can_ be." I spoke on an exhale.

"Doubtful, seeing as you're able to hold _me_ back."

He drew my hands to his mouth now, pressing gentle, compassionate kisses against my fingertips. I could've sworn a sigh left my lungs.

"I wish to teach you all that I know…to take you under my wing as my apprentice. I want you to eventually rule by my side."

"And if I don't proceed with that wish, Master...?"

"Then I'll just see to it that you do." He responded all too quickly.

I found my footing again, reentering the conversation with a much more confident tone to my voice.

"To be clear, my job is to be an emotional support operative for YOU, not the other way around. I don't believe I need your support, nor do I believe that Supreme Leader would allow that vision to come to fruition."

He shook his head, "If The Force has placed you in this position of power over ME, then I'd hardly call Snoke a fragile bump in the road for us. The Force has mysterious ways of bringing people together...have you ever thought that maybe it has for us...?"

I closed my eyes, taking a small step back as I pealed myself away from him.

"Sir, I-...I believe I've finished my job here, maybe I should get going..."

I turned away quickly, ready to leave, but before I could, Kylo snagged my arm, hand clasped like a bear trap around the petite frame of my wrist.

I turned to him slowly, fearful of the words about to be spoken.

"If the answer is no, believe that I will make it my goal to turn it into a definitive yes. You are strong with The Force, Everly. You are more than you believe, and visions are never just visions."

It mustered all my physical strength to rip myself away from his voice...it was strong, demanding, a slight sweetness dripping like honey into my ears.

"You may be gone now." He said with a small nod.

And with that, he released me, eyes still burrowing deep into my very center. I nodded in response, walking backwards out of the room, refusing to break eye contact until my hand found the scanner and allowed myself to exit.  
I left, the only trace of me in his quarters being the catastrophe from earlier, the beating of my heart in his mind, and my body so close to his.

If only he could see the visuals in my mind _now_...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story started off as a oneshot, but as the ideas began to flow, I couldn't help turn it into a full-fledged story! I hope you enjoy! Comments are GREATLY appreciated!  
> -K xx


	2. When Words Begin to Fail

Thoughts scrolled like words on a screen in my head. I wasn’t sure how long it had been since I had last seen him, other than in brief passing on the ship. I tried to keep my mind from wandering to the best of my ability during working hours, knowing that at any second, he could peek inside and take a look.

It was easy when there was business to attend to, but otherwise, the lines he traced, the gloved fingertips against my skin left marks that stung every second of the day. The ghost of his lips still lingered, burning a passionate, unspoken hole in the center of my forehead. I could still feel the weight of his body against mine as he tried so desperately to rid himself of the conflict causing a riot within him.

He wanted _me_ to rule beside him and take my rightful seat as if I were meant for it. I had always considered myself to be a fairly confident individual, but a natural-born leader? That wasn’t me, Hell, it was far from.

 _Visions are never just visions_. His words tangled in my head; brain snakes. I _had_ seen us in the center of the throne room, after all. It had to mean something, didn’t it? And if it did, there were a decent amount of hurdles that needed to be leapt over in order for it to come to light. Hux followed the man around like a little, lost wookiee, the strength I held in The Force wasn’t nearly enough to be considered a person at the front end of the galactic order, and Supreme Leader Snoke would have to show some level of approval in the matter.

 _Snoke_.

Master Ren was set to speak with him that day. The thought of what this particular confrontation would include floated in and out as I worked, a mindless hum located in the back of my brain. I was in the midst of note-taking when the pounding of a few pairs of feet yanked me away from my busy work. He came by, a heaping, black mass of cloaks and robes, helmet now fixed and fused to his face. General Hux stood at his heel, hands wrapped around the back of his torso. His face was one of little to no amusement, an all too usual expression for the distasteful ginger. Troopers marched in an organized line behind the both of them, blasters in hand.  
When they reached me in the middle of the hallway, Hux stopped dead and the troopers dispersed like gnats, but Kylo kept on walking. I felt his cowl brush my arm, leaving me, yet again, with that undeniable burning sensation.  
The General took a breath, preparing to speak to me.

“Official 1311.”  
“General Hux, sir.”

I was patiently waiting for the call to my station, a call that would, oddly enough, never come. My eyes searched the General for any sign that I should be prepared for the worst…bombs to be launched, another planet to be destroyed…but the strong posture he held slowly diminished as Kylo’s robes vanished down the corridor.

I gently cleared my throat and craned my neck to look up at him, “Does he need-?”

  
Hux sighed, defeat now settling like stone in his chest, “I don’t believe so. Seems he woke up on the wrong side of the _bed_. Probably best just to let this one go for now.”

  
I tried to swallow the worry down as the General nodded towards me, “Please proceed with work, Official. Thank you for your time.”

He received a nod back before taking a few steps away and turning the corner. I looked into the space where Kylo once stood, a thought poking at the sides of my mind for only a moment before reacting. Closing the section of work on my data-pad and stowing it away for later, I began to make my way down the hall.

The length of my steps were significantly shorter than Kylo’s, so it wouldn’t have surprised me to find that he had already entered and locked the door to his quarters. Taking another quick turn, it was then that I saw him, cape flying, a dark, velvet carpet behind his knees. I quickened my pace and caught up, trying to make it known to him that I was at his side. He turned his head only slightly as I began to speak.

“Sir, you slid right by me in the East wing. You were walking fast. I could sense that something was off, but I-…I was told not to come.”

As he turned to face me fully, I noticed the giant metal apparatus shielding the expression on his face and my chest constricted at the unease it caused me.

“Then why did you?” The modified sound of his voice caused the nerves to ignite.

I could tell he wasn’t pleased as sweat soaked through the centers of my palms. I looked down at the tops of my boots as we walked on; finding them exponentially more interesting now that it was my turn to speak.

“Did something happen when you spoke to Snoke this evening, sir...?” I asked, rounding the corner.  
“That isn’t your business.”  
“You know that my job is to tend to you.”  
“Enough.” He noted, hand shooting out of his side, nearly close lining my neck.  
“You weren’t… _prodding_ …were you…?” I kept my voice low, wincing slightly as the word left my lips, fearful of his reaction.

Kylo stopped in his tracks, causing me to collide at his heels. He looked down, chest brushing against mine with each breath he took. I attempted to view his eyes through the darkened window, but it was no use. It could’ve been anyone behind that mask.

“We are not to discuss matters outside of business, Official 1311. Are we understood?” His voice was strong, but I could’ve sworn I heard it tremor.  
I blinked, swallowed the sour spit on my tongue, and nodded, “Yes, Master Ren.”

By then, we had made our way to the front door of his quarters, the tension in the hallway hanging like flour in a bakery.

As I fiddled around my anxious fingers, I couldn’t stop myself from speaking one last time, “Sir, I would just like to know if there is anything I can-“  
“Leave me.” He interjected, walking back into the doorway and force slamming the hatch.

And with that, I was once again alone.

\---

“Grandfather…I’m in desperate need of guidance.”

The meeting called upon by Supreme Leader Snoke had left an un-healable wound in the center of my stomach, vile and throbbing. He firmly believed that change was afoot. He belittled me in ways that hit above the belt; an itch in the mind, a strike to the heart. Words that seethed from the flakes of his mouth hit me in sharp waves and the anger I felt began to bubble and boil over.

_"You are, indeed, your father’s son."_

The vision. It stuck like glue to feathers in my mind, unable to be stripped from my subconscious. It was so clear to me that the single outstretch of a hand could allow me to touch it…to touch _her_.

It set my nerves aflame to see her on the throne, an antagonizing, almost criminal view. The curvature of her body fit so beautifully draped to the back of it, hair like streams of gold clinging to her face. I saw myself extend my hand to her, slowly, meticulously, and she took it with ease. Our fingers laced; leather kissing skin. It was almost too difficult to bear.

I brought myself back to the world; arm slowly outstretched and hovered just above the melted configuration of what used to be my late grandfather’s helmet.

“Sir…I feel things I shouldn’t. Anger, mainly…but with it… _fear_.”

I swallowed down the feelings that began to climb up and into my throat, leaving only the sour taste of bile.

“Supreme Leader Snoke sees my father in me. Unworthy to lead, as immature as they come. He refuses to see my worth…but _she_ …”

I stared down at the morphed machinery in search of his voice, but it never came, and so I continued.

“The girl. The cause. Something in my heart, grandfather…it shifts. Snoke. He believes that she-…”

The words quivered in my mouth, almost willing to take the leap and jump from my lips. I shut my eyes, turning them into knots as I exhaled.

“Love didn’t kill you, _did it?”_

The sentence was dry, but the word ‘love’ felt like salvation when I thought of her. To _love_ and _be_ loved. It was the poison of the Dark Side.

“I hope to Gods it isn’t so.”

I slowly removed my hand from its hovering state, curling my fingers into my palm. I took a single step back and stared into the air as if her body would materialize in front of me. I shook my head in shame.

“If it did…then consider me Hell-bound.”

\---

The night proceeded as almost usual. I once again kept to myself, jotting notes, and secretly tending to my mental wounds until it was finally time for me to retire the day. I looked forward to these fleeting moments of quiet alone time. I stripped myself from the starched uniform I donned as soon as I entered my quarters and immediately decided that a bath to extinguish my nerves would be the best possible option. The warmth of the water as I dove in kissed my skin and I couldn’t help but moan at the sensation. About an hour had past, brain now numb as I began to towel off, change into sleep clothes, and hop into bed.

 _Rest_.

It came crashing down on me all at once, an immense pressure forcing my head into the pillow. Each breath I took led me closer and closer to the promise land.

 _Rest_.

An abrupt knock sounded at the door and ripped me away from a dreamless sleep. I took a deep breath in to steady the pounding of my heart and swung my legs off of the edge of my bunk. The cold of metal caused the pads of my bare feet to ice over as I made my way to the door.

Kylo stood in the center of the doorway as I opened up, the ghostly apparition of his body nearly causing me to topple over, back slamming to the floor.

“Ky-Master Ren, s-sir.” The words drooled from my bottom lip as I stared, mouth agape.  
“Everly.” He spoke in a tantalizing whisper behind his mask.

The mask. He was still wearing it. Probably in attempt to feel unseen, given how close to midnight it was. It wouldn’t have made a difference. No matter the time of night, people were quick to avoid Master Ren at all costs.

“Come in…?” I questioned, talking a slight step to the side, shoulders beginning to tense.  
He didn’t hesitate to make his way through the entrance, head sliding over the curve of his shoulder as he spoke again.  
“Shut the door. Lock it.”

I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I did as I was asked, placing my palm against the manual lock. My eyebrows floated to my hairline, curling in question at the man’s motives.

It was then that I realized how much of my dignity was exposed to him. A pale pink sleep shirt dangled haphazardly over my thighs, leaving very little to the imagination. The underclothes of my torso were set aside till morning, so the buds of my breasts poked out from the fabric ever so slightly. I held my arms underneath them to mask the chill that caused them to stand to a point.

If I could disappear in this moment, let The Force whisk my body away, I wouldn’t hesitate.

Kylo took a seat on the chair stationed in the corner and reached behind his head. The mask on his face unlatched with a gentle hiss as he hoisted it away from his shoulders. He shook his chocolate tresses away from his eyes, baby hairs still plastered flat against his forehead. He reached over and delicately placed the helmet onto the bedside table.

“Kylo…?”  
He looked up, dark blue bags unmistakably apparent under his eyes.  
“I haven’t gotten a good night’s rest.” He simply noted, aware that I had been staring at the evidence of sleeplessness.

I could’ve sworn the room had been spinning in rapid circles, and I couldn’t tell if it was due to the anxiety of the situation, sleep-deprivation, or the ship making a sudden crash landing.

“And…?” I asked.  
His hands met for a moment, toying with his thumbs until his gloves loosened. He shook them away, spreading the callused skin of his palms over his pants to wick away sweat.  
“I would like to have a moment with you.”

I moved closer to him, frustration beginning to steam through my scalp. My hands shook, afraid that pressing into him in such a vulnerable state could cause a war.

“You _ignored_ me earlier…I haven’t seen you in _days_ …I figured I'd be given a little more than that after the discussion we had. You-...you left me hanging. I've had to pick up the pieces left over from that conversation and I can hardly concentrate on my work. It keeps me awake, Kylo..."

He looked up from his lap, innocence in his hazel eyes, “Believe me, I know."

So he _had_ been prodding. Jackass.

Eyes darted. Voice lowered.

“Did-…did something happen…?” I asked sheepishly, believing, yet again, that I could somehow receive a proper answer.

He shook his head quickly, voice coming out between clenched teeth, “I don’t wish to speak about any of that at this time.”  
I nodded, lip caught between my incisors, “Understood.”

He reached over to me, hand coming to pull at my lower back to bring me closer.

“Come.” His request was simple and I couldn’t help but give in.

He grabbed a tender hold of my wrist, unraveling my fingers onto the center of his forehead. His skin was coated in a thin layer of sweat that greeted my open palm. My other hand was quick to find its way to the collar of his top, thumb slightly grazing the exposed skin of his neck.

“You’re _burning_ , Kylo. Do you need a cold cloth?” I asked, head tilting in the direction of the refresher.  
“All I need…is _you_.” He quietly uttered, lips barely even parting as his eyes glossed over.

Unexpectedly, I was met with the strength of his biceps around my torso and the side of his head pressed into my chest as he leaned forward.

His immense desire for affection never startled me. It was the most understandable thing about the man. He was alone. Completely and utterly. The only reliable thing in his life being that of The Force and my manipulation of it.

"Everly, I sincerely apologize for being so short with you. A lot has happened since then and I-"  
"Shhh. You don't have to explain yourself."

I leaned down, lips pressing warm and ready into his hair, breathing in the sweet scent of mahogany and leather. My fingers slowly traced the lines of his forehead, the evidence of premature aging and overpowering stress.

“Be with me…be with me…”

I spoke the words again and again until the grip around my body loosened and his breath was barely audible past his plush lips.

“It-…it isn’t enough…” He murmured, practically trembling as he pulled back, the absence of his warmth leaving me with an aching chill.

He stood then in uncomfortable silence, padding his way over to the edge of the bunk. His eyes rounded into perfect, hazel green globes, staring at me as if I would give him the response he so desperately desired. As if I knew what he was about to say before he could say it.

“…May I…?”

I began to blink, lashes fanning, confusion quite evident in my expression. He was quick to respond.

“I-…I know this is far from the things I typically ask of you…I shouldn’t even be here right now, given the time…but…I just need another body in the room with me as I rest…I need sleep…I need-“

  
I walked over quickly, hand meeting the tensed muscles of his back, pressing into them as hard as I could.  
“Relax. Get comfortable. I can rest on the chair for a few moments until you're ready to head out. I have a few spare blankets.”

His hand graced over the comforter, fingers sliding over the fabric, “It would be wrong of me to take your bed from you, Everly.”  
“…Oh?” I questioned into him.

His eyes met with mine, stopping me straight.

“I would like to spend the entirety of the night here. With you. _Next to you_. That is, if you’ll allow it.”

The way in which it left his mouth seemed as though he had spent hours in front of the mirror rehearsing it. He committed it to memory until it was written in ink on his arms, a needle pressed into the top layer of his soul.

_“Kylo…I don’t know if-“_

In an instant, he gave a single nod, bounding towards the door to make a quick and painless exit. It wasn’t about to end this way. I simply wouldn’t allow it. Not in the state he was in. He needed me, and despite all my reservations, I secretly needed him too. I caught his forearm just in time, spinning his body back around, smiling warmly.

“-you will enjoy having the covers stolen from you all night long.” I finished, an innocent laugh escaping me.

For the first time, the phantom of a smile spread in a wavering line across his face, the crinkles next to his eyes becoming much more prominent.

“I...believe I can manage.” He noted on an exhale, breath leaving his chest in a gust. I could've sworn I heard him chuckle.

Kylo awkwardly shifted, slowly toeing his boots off and placing them in a perfect line at the edge of the bed. Next, he removed his top, leaving only a black, ribbed undershirt, hands splayed across the length of his torso as he smoothed out the wrinkles.

We situated ourselves then, face to face in the comfort of the bed under the covers. His eyes were like stars in the darkness, glistening with a light I had never seen from him before. He reached forward, a gentle hand brushing a strand of hair away from my face. I took to it naturally, leaning into his advances.

There we were. A miscellaneous assortment of arms and legs, tangled together like pure artwork. The warm sound of breath lulled my mind and the sensation tickled the bridge of my nose. The Force surrounding our bodies pulled us closer until they were practically fused. I rested my head to his chest as I would a pillow, relishing in sensation of pure, human warmth. The beating of his heart sounded in my ear, a strong, steady song made only those closest to him to hear. I was the lucky one.

“Goodnight, my dove.” His voice was honey.

 _Rest_.


	3. Your Hand is Your Weapon

My body splayed across the bed the next morning, fingers and toes touching all four corners in a shaking stretch.

I recalled the body that laid next to mine, shifting in the sheets as I dipped in and out of sleep. A gloved hand fanned over my face, tickling the pale peach hairs of my cheek like the wing of a baby bird. The body bent down, thick, warm lips, pressing into my temple. I shut my eyes tighter to take in the sensation, and without a word, he left.

I slumped out of the bunk, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as I made my way to the refresher. I washed myself in sink water, fingers pressing the chilled moisture into the flats of my face. The night with Kylo. It came flooding back, a train slamming full-force into the center of my stomach and releasing butterflies. I took in a breath as I toweled off, fingers slowly beginning to trace the lines that he had left. The kind kisses peppered along my forehead, the lazy skin to skin motions of callused fingers over my arms, my ear to the muscles of his chest, and his tired hands pressing into my belly as we slept.

It was time to get to work. When I wasn’t tending to Kylo’s mental wounds, I was helping with reports sent over to me by the med bay. They valued my skills down there, despite having being taken from my station to work at the highest level of the ship. They required assistance and I was more than happy to give it to them. All things considered, it might have left a bitter taste in their mouths, but that was the least of my worries. I worked for the Commander now.

Zoning in on my work as I finished my final note, a trooper rounded the corner and presented himself to me.

“Official 1311, General Hux requires you meet him in his office immediately.”  
My eyebrows curled in question, “Uh…alright. Thank you, sir.”

The trooper nodded quickly, spinning back around and going the opposite direction.

 _Immediately_. What did that mean exactly? The use of the word was never a positive sign around here. Something had to have gone wrong. Was it me? Was it _him_?

Last night.

Liquid acidity climbed the edges of my throat as I closed my work station and my heart began to pound. I stood strong, readjusting my collar and pulling at the top half of my uniform as I swiftly made my way down the hall. My hands were pressed firmly into my lower back and my mouth was a desert.

Without a single knock, the door opened and General Hux stood a statue in the center of the room.

I cleared the phlegm from my throat to gain his attention, “Gereral, is there something you wish to discuss with me?”

He walked a slow, antagonizing cadence, the heels of his shoes clicking against the metal and reverberating.

“Ah…yes…well, I believe it seems quite obvious that one should be focused on the business at hand.”  
Squinted eyes barreled into him, “Excuse me, sir…?”  
“It has been brought to my attention that Commander Ren visited your personal quarters late in the evening…”

I _knew_ it.

Leaning forward, lanky frame like a barren tree curling over the top of my body, he pinched my chin between the fragile tips of his fingers before I had the chance to react. His warm, peppermint breath was distinct and undeniable as he spoke.

“He shows signs of weakness with you, little miss. Sooner rather than later, he’ll have you cast aside, and not even your strength in The Force will be able to patch that wound.”

I clenched a fist in aggravation, shaking my head to rip his hand away from my face, “Sir, you know _nothing_ of our personal business…what I ask of him.”

I couldn’t hold back any longer as Hux began to tear me open from layer to layer until he could selfishly dig his dirtied nails deep into my sensitive core. He was trying to break me, and doing a damn good job of it.

He chuckled, a nasal crackling whip in my ear, “I do know you ask to lie in the same bed. Quite _daring_ of you, I might add.”

How did he know that? No matter the reason, it stung. It _more_ than stung. A serrated knife twisting into my gullet, and him on the other end, enjoying the torture it left me with. To think I respected the man. To think I did all I could do to please him. To think I was a true asset to The First Order. To think-

My hand struck him. _Hard_. The soft, untouched velvet of my grey glove cracking against his jaw. He stumbled back only slightly, hand quickly nursing the red mark I left him with.

“So it is true, little miss. You sweet thing. Using the Commander to your petty advantage. Becoming closer to him in the hopes it will land you in a position of power. You wish to gain the throne and yet you won’t. He’ll kill you before you get the chance.”

He wasn’t angry, he was amused. Grey green eyes twinkled in the lights overhead, a sneer causing his lips to twitch. The red of my slap slowly faded forward, the mark of a hand clear as day.

A laugh forced from my throat, “If you only _knew_ what he thought of you, General. You wouldn’t hesitate to wish the same ill fate on him.”

My jaw clenched, teeth nearly chipping as I shook, a puddle of cold, anxious sweat forming in the crease of my lower back.

“Good day to you, sir. I must be going now.”

As I began to walk away, his hand shot out, as if he, himself, could conjure up The Force. It never came and he was left; an outstretched hand in my direction as I exited. I turned around one last time, stopping in the doorway, eyes wide and ready. My arm thrust forward, calling upon the energy within me. As it shot from my hand, the pressure nearly breaking the tips of my fingers clean, every chair in the room toppled over, papers on the long meeting table flew, the lights were thrown into a spasm, and General Hux stood in the center, mouth like a codfish.

“Try me.” I said, and with that, I left.

\---

I made my way to Kylo’s quarters. I wasn’t sure if he was going to be there, but it didn’t matter. The night we spent together gave me every right to show up unannounced.

I hadn’t been in his room since the day of the incident, but I was pleased to see that everything had been fixed to its original state. The engineers must have worked tirelessly on this. My hands graced the walls, admiring the clean patchwork as the sound of the door pulled me back.

“You.”

My lashes fluttered, a slow smile too hard to hide from him the instant I heard the melody of his voice, “Me.”

His helmet hung in the crease of his elbow as he walked through the door. Without a second thought, he placed it down, hands reaching. I reciprocated the gesture and allowed his warmth to take me over. With the hours in between, I sorely missed the sensation of having him near. It set undeniable warmth into my very center as I pulled myself into him.

He placed a steady hand against my face and took a breath, eyes filled to the brim with worry, “Hux.”

He knew. He _sensed_ it.

I leaned my cheek into his hand as he spoke and closed the curtains of my eyes, “You know.”  
He nodded, pulling me closer, fingers pinching the line of my jaw and inspecting my neck for scars, “Did he hurt you…?”  
I stared up at him, a chuckle impossible to stifle flipping from my lips, “Quite the opposite, actually…”  
His eyebrows furrowed, “Do I even want to know...?”  
I reached a hand up to play with the curls that floated down from his ears, “Some other time. Not for now.”

“I felt your presence here. It worried me a bit.” He noted, chest deflating on an exhale.

My eyes left his and found the tops of my feet as I spoke, “He knows about the night we spent together, Kylo…he said some things…most of which I'd rather not repeat..."

I could hear the soft squeeze of leather as he clenched a fist, "He wishes to be something he's not. Don't let the man-child's petty comments burn a hole in you. He's a rat. Always has been. Always will be."

I shrugged it off, pulling away from him for only a moment, "He's worth nothing to me now. The only approval I should ever hope to gain should be from _you_. Immature prick."

Silence consumed us both.

“Last night..." I started, changing the subject to one much more positive, "You called me something…a pet name of sorts…”  
His eyes brightened, dimple appearing, “Dove.”  
I smiled softly, cheeks turning pink, “That’s the one.”

He took my hand and spun me under his arm; a dance. We swayed like a river, The Force practically floating us across the room until we stopped face to face. His gloved hand found the back of my neck and pressed into it. I could've sworn a moan left the corners of my mouth.

“Why ‘dove’?” I asked, forehead pressed to his now.

He was bent at an angle over my tiny frame, my toes practically splitting in half with the length I had to reach to get to him.

“A bird of peace, Everly…and _you_ … _my_ bird… _my_ peace.” He noted simply, words like a poem.

I turned; back flush against his chest as I guided him over to the window. I placed his hands gingerly around me and they covered the entirety of my stomach. I leaned off to the side to allow him access to my neck if that were to please him. He drew his nose to the back of my ear, taking in the lavender scent of body wash.

“…What makes you think I have the capabilities to lead?” I asked in a low hum.

He inhaled, the sharpness of breath causing the hairs on my neck to stiffen. The comfortable silence that followed seemed like the moments before a marriage proposal. I waited on baited breath for his response, and when it finally came, his voice was a husky murmur that the shell of my ear swallowed down.

“You _heal me_ , Everly of The First Order.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much shorter chapter, but I hope it was enjoyable nonetheless! The banter between Hux and Everly was SO entertaining to write. I have big plans for the outcome of this story and I'm super excited to get a reaction from you all. Thank you for your unwavering support as I delve into the world of writing Kylo!  
> -K xx


	4. Official 1311

“Official 1311, Everly of The First Order, Commander Ren. The _‘Healer’_ , or so they call her.”

I bent to one knee, lowering my gaze as the man set to be my new higher up turned away from the window of his massive quarters. The room was quite dark, low-lit lights settled into the ceiling. The metal that covered the walls was a deep grey, sheer, and untouched. My living space truly paled in comparison to the Commander's.

“At your service, Master Ren.” I spoke with poise, voice held strong and astute.

I heard a soft hum come from within the mask of the man and I could sense the tilting of his head as I felt his eyes glaze over the crumbled form below his feet. He was amused by my unwavering allegiance.

“I don’t expect you to kneel to me, Official 1311.”

I slowly lifted my body off of the ground, pupils massively dilating as I looked into the machinery guarding the man’s face.

General Hux took a single step forward, hand motioning towards me as he spoke, “22 years of age, worked on the lower level of the medical ward on Sector 110, extraordinarily unique in the way in which she manipulates The Force, sir.”

I swallowed the feeling of fear back down, chin lifting confidently, “Many of the troopers suffer, Master Ren. The object of war leaves many with physical AND mental wounds.”

Kylo chuckled, deep and dark, constricting my lungs at the sound, “So it would seem you’ve presented me with a _therapist_ , Hux…”

The ginger firmly bit at the insides of his cheeks, “No, sir. An…emotional support operative.”

Kylo tilted his head in curiosity, and I couldn’t help but feel as though a storm was brewing in his helmet.

“M-Master, most of the troopers are brought in to clear their minds before sending them off to battle. I can assure you that my utilization of The Force has little to do with therapy sessions and more to do with gaining clarity.”

He hummed yet again, slowly pacing back and forth. His thick, black cloak brushed gently over the tops of my feet and I couldn’t help by stare when it did. The fabric was heavy, even on the toes of my boots. I couldn’t possibly imagine what it would feel like to wear it around my bony shoulders.

“General, leave us.”

Hux peeled his eyes away from me for only a moment to look at Kylo. His peach lips pursed and his eyebrows lowered as he bowed ever so slightly towards the Commander. As he backed out of the room, his orbs found mine yet again, and this time, they were arrows. An all too familiar feeling in my stomach contorted. I knew this feeling. Jealousy.

I could've sworn I heard him curse under his breath.

As the hatch hissed shut, Kylo reached behind his massive cowl and proceeded to lift the helmet away from his shoulders. I had seen the man in passing, but never without his helmet. To my surprise, he was young, handsome, and almost flawless if it hadn’t been for the collection of large birth marks that painted each of his cheeks.

“So. Everly of The First Order. Tell me more about this _‘gift’_ you are said to have.”

The silence that followed Kylo’s question felt like a decade of waiting before I could utter a proper response.

“I-…I have found a way to use The Force to put people at peace…”

“At _peace_ …? A tactic of the light?” He asked, jaw twitching into a clench.

I was quick to protest, shaking my head as if the action alone would wipe the idea away completely, “Not necessarily, Master.”

He was much too close to me now, so much so that I could nearly feel each breath that left his lungs. It came in hills, the rising and falling of his chest brushing up against the collar of my uniform. He bent down to my level and I nearly fell back, his massive frame, a mountain.

“Everly, please…Kylo. Master, Commander, sir only when in the company of others.”

I forced my bottom lip between my teeth, nodding silently.

He pulled back slowly, hands pressed into to his lower back as he paced like an animal in a cage.

“I would like for you to show me what you’re capable of, Official 1311. Why it is you were hired to serve me in such a way.” His voice reached its peak of curiosity.

I paused, taking a brief moment to myself to contemplate how to do such a thing. All my years of training and mental preparation hadn’t adequately prepared me for this.

“A-alright, sir-“

His eyes dug into me.

“ _Kylo_.” I said in the same breath.

He nodded, fingers clasped together, “Now, where would you like me to be?”

“Seated, if possible.”

He pulled two small stools out from under the desk that sat in one of the corners of the room.

“Oh, uh, that won’t be entirely necessa-“

“Please. Sit.” He motioned, placing one seat in front of the other, “You’re my guest.”

I did as I was told, plopping down on the metal stool in front of him.

“And now…?” He asked, his eyes refusing to leave mine in a way that was almost too jarring.

“I-if you’ll let me…I’d like to place my hands…on you…” The words tumbled out awkwardly, but I couldn’t retract them now or suck them back into my cheeks.

He nodded curtly, “Whatever you must do.”

I swallowed the nervous energy that began to leap past my teeth, shaking, sweat-drenched hands coming around the base of both of his forearms. He was warm. He was real.

“Just…relax…I know that may be easier said than done, but all I ask is that you put your trust in me for a short while.”

“I already have.” He noted, smile sneaking by me.

“Let the world around you fade away and focus solely on us, The Force will do the rest. Whatever visions come to you, let them in and take them as they are. Visions are never just visions. They’re presented to you in the moments in which you seek clarity the most. They will show you the way.”

He nodded slowly, drinking in the words that flew from my mouth. He shut his eyes then, one step ahead of me. I shut mine.

As the process began, a fire ignited. It burned feverishly in my brain, a steaming, metal prod skewered through my skull like a heated knife through butter. Slowly but surely, the energy surrounding all living and nonliving entities encased our bodies, leaving only the temperate buzz of serenity.

He was a tortured soul, the pain he felt inside striking me, a blow to the head that caused me to jolt back. It fizzled out quickly, replaced with the warm feeling of a body wrapped in his.

 _Mine_.

Every ounce of me shook, the hairs on my arms standing at attention. There we were, as clear as crystal. If I were to reach out, I would’ve touched us both. His hand came to brush gently over the hills of my cheeks, and I could feel the thickness of his fingernails as he did so. His lips rounded over my forehead, a kind and gentle kiss that I could feel all the way down to my knees. I could hear his heart beating powerfully against the frame of his chest as I nestled into him. It was slow, strong, beautiful, human.

Like mist in a temperate forest, it trickled away. The darkness that presented itself next made my stomach drop, a puddle at my feet.

An image came forward, only slightly blurred, but obscured mainly by dimness of the lights in the room.

The throne room. Two, massive seats. Two occupants.

 _Us_.

As his hand reached off to the side, our hands collided. The warm leather glazing over my skin. I could feel urgency in the touch, as if I alone could cause every pain in his body to melt away.

In an instant, he shot back, ripping us both away from the powers of The Force and the visions that battered at our brains. I wasn’t sure of what he saw, but I hoped to the Gods that it wasn’t what was presented to me. It couldn’t have been. No two people have the same visions. I looked down, our hands firmly interlocked just as his had touched mine in the throne room. His looked down and his eyes fully dilated as the air he had compiled in his chest left like storm winds. With that, he slowly pulled his hands away from mine.

“I-…I apologize…” He rattled off, lips quivering.

“You’re okay. No need.” I spoke, mouth barely moving, numbed by what I had just witnessed.

“What I saw…” His whispered, as if his very soul was in the process of leaving his body.

I shot a hand up, signaling him to cutoff, “It isn’t necessary to speak of the visions that came to you. All that matters is that they did and you felt something positive from them. They’re never meant to hurt or distract you.”

He ran the back of his hand over his forehead, collecting the sweat, nearly exasperated.

“How do you feel…?” I asked.

As he stood from his spot, I was once again reminded of his much larger stature. He took a moment to himself, seemingly collecting his thoughts, organizing them into the cabinets of his brain. A few beats passed before he made his way over to the discarded helmet, the apparatus almost as large as his palms as he picked it up. He turned to face me again, contraption cupped between his hands at the very center of his stomach. It stared at me just as he did. His eyes were dark, tantalizing.

“Like the galaxy is at my feet, Everly.”


	5. Being a Dove

“You _slapped_ the _General_?”

It had been another day. Kylo and I had decided it would benefit the both of us to spend nights with each other as frequently as possible. The clarity we gained from it the first time was more than we could’ve imagined. Hux was quickly put in his place by his Commander, who, upon hearing the details of my altercation, was quick to go at his throat… _literally_.

Love. Is there such a thing? Having worked under The First Order for so long, an ant line of merciless robots, it was difficult to envision that it could be real. I had grown accustomed to the sporadic ups and downs of Kylo’s emotions by now. Operating at his side was the only thing that allowed me to see that he did, in fact, have a heart. It wasn’t the black hole hovering in the dead center of his chest that people assumed it to be.

The man was careful, articulate, and showed every sign that he only ever wished the best for me. In all my life, I never believe that another person, let alone the Commander of The First Order, could care so deeply for me. It left me without words, tears at the brim of my eyes and threatening to fall when I did so little as to consider the fact.

I let out a shy laugh as we sat, cross-legged on the floor of his quarters, “I just couldn’t help it. The man needed to be put in his place. My hand had a mind of its own, I suppose.” I said, uncurling my fingers and glancing into it.

He let a grin wash over his cheeks, emphasizing his smile lines, “I always knew you to be quite the fighter, but not like _that_ , dove.”

My shoulders shrugged to my ears, “I have a lot in me that would surprise you.”

He shook his head, hanging it low, “Believe me, you already have.”

I looked up, cheeks turning pink at the comment that slipped like water past his lips. The man knew how to speak.

He uncrossed a leg, allowing it to unfold at my side. I watched it plant to the floor, my body now between him.

“That being said, I can't help but question...are you really _that_ quick on your feet…?”

I scoffed, air leaving my nostrils, “Kylo, you and I both know that I-“

Unexpectedly, The Force slowly and gently slid my body across the tiles, landing me up against the wall. My eyes burrowed into him in small, squinted slits. I could see the apparition of a smile paint his face. He was testing me.

I rose to my feet with ease, fingers beginning to tingle.

“I wouldn’t test me if I were you, _Master Ren_.” I noted, his name flourishing over my tongue.

He chuckled heartily, throwing his head back, “Fighting words from a girl so tiny.”

As he spoke, the ghosts of my hands floated forward, a movement situating itself against his shoulders in a playful nudge, but the strength wasn't even enough to move the man.

He sneered, the gaps of his crooked teeth showing wildly. His motion was quick as he spun, shooting energy from his palms that pressed into my torso, gliding my body up the wall. It felt as if he, himself, were holding me up by both hands.

“Like a feather in my grasp. It is _you_ , my dove, who shouldn’t be testing _me_ …and to think I believed you were much smarter than that.”

I pushed his grip away, falling in a fighter’s stance to my feet, knees bent and shoulders slouched, ready for the kill. I huffed, blowing a small stand of hair that found itself a home in the center of my face. My elbows bent at an angle.

“Alright then…” He noted, posture loosening as he crouched down to meet my level, “ _Play ball.”_

I leapt in the air as the life of The Force left Kylo’s fingertips, but failing to catch me, sliding like oil right under my feet as jumped. He spoke an almost silent curse under his breath as I raced to the other side of his bed. My hand shot out, the energy from it shooting in ocean waves that crashed beat by beat into his body. He wavered, balance failing him for only a moment.

I laughed, unable to hold back from the exhilaration coursing through my body as he clumsily tripped over his own two feet. His eyes rolled in a perfect circle, gritting his teeth and forcing me back onto my bottom. I grunted at the pain it caused, but stifled a soft ‘ow’ as his body lurched forward.

I rolled; a swift, sharp, uninterrupted movement under his bed. The darkness was enough to cause your toes to curl in fear. I wasn’t sure where to go from here, but I had no other choice but to wait it out and hope for the best.

Unexpectedly, I felt the bed begin to shake until it was lifted a foot off of the ground. I peeled my head backwards, meeting Kylo’s gaze, the look in his eyes un-phased by my antics, un-phased by the weight of the object in his grasp.

“You’re going to have to try harder than that.”

I climbed out of my hiding spot, crouched to the floor until I was practically melted into it. The bed landed with a thud, and his foot began tapping meticulously as he waited for me to find my footing once more.

I stood; the power of The Force, a heavy weight in the center of my fists as I turned around.

Suddenly, my fingers shot out and curled, The Force backing him to the wall and meeting the curvature of his throat. The feeling that erupted from my arm began to slowly close in on him.

 _Caught_.

Kylo coughed gently, choking ever so slightly before he instantaneously ripped himself away from the weakness that was my grasp. He came close, hand meeting mine.

 _Truce_.

He grazed his thumb over my skim, narrowing his eyes as he spoke lowly.

“Dove, you best not attempt that one on me. I wouldn’t want to act out of instinct on you. Besides, that move is far too difficult and requires a decent amount of focus. The last thing I would want you to do is to hurt yourself while doing something as silly as play-fighting. Some day.” He said softly, leaning down to place a tender kiss against the center of my forehead.

My palms fell to his waist, pulling him in, shutting my eyes.

“Someday, _Master_.” The words came out in a low, wavering breath.

We stood like that for what seemed like ages. His body encased me, a cavalcade of soft muscles and warm skin. The fabric of his top brushed my cheek as I nuzzled into his torso. I felt the weight his chin rest into my hair.

All was right.

“You know, Kylo…what we spoke of not too long ago…the idea that I could lead…be the center of it all…I’m beginning to think that maybe-“

In an instant, I felt his body stiffen as if struck by a thread of lightning, his heart rate accelerating against my ear. His arms fell like potato sacks against his sides, swinging while the rest of his body stood unmoving. I pulled back, hands still firm against him as I looked up.

“Kylo.”

He didn’t respond and his eyes seemed as if they had entered a distant planet. They glazed over, the whites nearly turning red as he refused to blink. The vein in his neck protruded, beating hard against his pale skin. The lump in his throat throbbed as he swallowed down spit.

“Kylo? What’s wrong?”

He tumbled back, posture becoming a wooden board. His hands shook, practically vibrating as they balled up, and his jaw muscles flexed in time with his breath, which came in heaves. His entire body crumbled beneath him, knees and ankles nearly shattering.

When he finally came to, his eyes met mine and his voice was hard.

“We have to go. We have to go _NOW_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aYOO! Leaving y'all with a big ass cliffhanger! I hope you're all enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it. As always, your love and support means SO much!  
> -K xx


	6. The Runaways

With his hand wrapped like a cuff around my wrist, he yanked my body, a feather floating behind him down the hall.

Upon speaking the words that struck like a spear through the heart, Kylo was quick to act. He raced in perfect circles, stripping himself away from his cape, his cowl, and shutting the glass case that kept his helmet. His hand ghosted over the object for a short moment, human eyes staring into the windows of his discarded, inhuman face. He took a breath into his cheeks, slowly straightening his spine.

“I have a separate shuttle on the lowest level with essentials. Everything you may need will already be on there.” He said, voice like an arrow.

“Kylo, I just want to know what’s going-“

He rushed towards me, both hands clasping around the sensitive skin of my wrists. I could feel the sweat between his fingers and his grip was tight, as if a single gust of wind could blow me right away.

“All I ask is that you put your trust it me…” The cadence of his voice came out in a rush, bottom lip quivering.

Silence.

“Everly.”

I searched his eyes, as if they’d give a clue as to what to say next. His scrolled from left to right, refusing to miss even a heartbeat of a moment as he stared into each one. A glossy sheen, a small puddle at his waterline, but he sucked the feeling down by pressing his lips together.

“ _Please_.” He begged, fingernails creating indentations in my soft skin.

I swallowed the foul taste of spit that formed under my tongue and nodded rapidly.

Our bodies bounded through the door before my mind had time to convince me otherwise.

\---

_Darkness._

_Red._

_Rage._

_Fear._

_Everly. Her body. A shell._

Every ounce of life left my lungs as I looked upon the shaking form at my feet. A heavy weight pressed into my neck, constricting my ability to let air in. My heart, a stuttering lump that could hardly function.

 _Blood_. The warmth seeping through her pale, pink fingers as she attempted to no avail to close the gash that tore into her stomach.

I stared down at her quivering frame, unable to move, unable to think. She looked up, tears falling like rain that fanned gently over her face. The pained expression she wore was enough to make me want to scream in agony…but her eyes were still her eyes, they were beautiful, velvet green, speckled gold, and her lips; gorgeous, rounded entities casting a slight shadow above her chin.

My name left her mouth in silence, the skin of her cheeks draining color, turning a lifeless grey. Her hand slowly wavered forward; reaching with every bit of strength she had left to attempt to grab a hold of me. I wanted desperately to take her, to wrap my biceps around her tiny body and hold her close to my chest, to my heart, but an unknown force glued my arms to my sides.

So this is Hell.

A beaming glow of red light caught my eye in a moment as her body vanished before me.

The saber in a clenched fist and the wicked vibration of The Force at my very fingertips.

She would die.

She would die at my hands.

\---

“We have to be as silent as possible. There’s a hidden passageway located only a few doors down. The odds of us running into troopers up here are fairly slim. Once there, we should be safe.”

His voice was a warmed whisper in the conch of my ear as we made our way down the strip of hallway that exited his living space. I gave a quick nod as we rounded the corner.

The sound of shoes was the only thing that echoed off of the walls of The Finalizer, that and the rapid sound of terribly stifled breath. This particular section of the ship was always quite empty, the perfect place for Kylo to have quiet moments alone. The scene was perfectly set, all it needed was a hurdle, and unfortunately for us, we would be presented with just that.

General Hux.

The man stood in front of what I assumed to be the entranceway to the tunnel that led to our escape. His eyes glistened like the suns above Batuu, his posture one that made it seem as though he, himself, owned this particular section of the ship.

“Ahh, Commander Ren and his little _pet_. Going somewhere…?” He asked, lips upturned in a wicked sneer.

I stood, mouth slightly ajar, my body slowly shifting until it found a home behind Kylo’s massive torso. I instinctively grabbed a strong hold of the sleeve of his sweater, unable to shake the fear that began to bubble in my stomach.

“You’re alone.” Kylo noted, surprised by the absence of troopers.

Hux came forward, legs bounding in a strut.

“For now,” He noted, the crinkles next to his eyes deepening with delight.

Kylo’s hand shot out, hand pressing furiously into the other man’s uniform, “You are not to come near her, General.”

His teeth were knit in anger, the muscles in his neck growing tenser.

“Commander Kylo Ren and the woman that begs to lie in bed with him at night.” He noted simply, relishing in the tone of his own voice.I let go of the safety that was Kylo’s sleeve, forcing my body forward as I spoke.

“I said it before and I’ll say it again, you know NOTHING, General Hux.” I spat out, a droplet of saliva landing on the bridge of his nose.

His smirk widened, turning his attention to his polished fingernails and picking at the cuticles, “A _feisty one_ you are, little miss. This immature girl wishes to turn you, doesn’t she, Commander Ren? She believes that her powers can heal, that the darkness can be turned to light again.”

“Think before you speak, General.” Kylo sneered.

Hux walked closer, lowering his gaze until his pupils were met with my hands in Kylo’s, tightly interlocked. In all this time, they must’ve found each other.

“And you…” He began, a breath of revelation leaving his lips, “You _do_ soften for her, Commander.”

Kylo’s arm lurched forward; hitting the General like a stone would at a window. Hux choked hard, gagging on his tongue as he was drawn from the floor and into the air. His hands reached for his throat, urgent to free himself from the Commander’s grasp.

“If you wish to leave this ship alive, I suggest you turn back now. Allow us to pass. Tell no one. You and I both know what I am capable of.”

Hux fell face first into metal and a wild laugh erupted from within him as he pushed himself back up from his palms. His nose was now turned to the side, bruising only slightly from the fresh break. He threw his head back in a cackle, blood pooling in the corner of his lip that his teeth had just busted.

“You truly believe I’d leave this life behind? With you gone, my potential to lead has grown exponentially! What was always meant to be mine is now imminent!”

Kylo growled, “You don’t have the means to be a ruler, General Hux. With you, The First Order will fall, and The Resistance will get what they always wanted… _peace_.”

Hux stood, wavering on unstable ankles, voice matching the motions of his body. Wild and unpredictable.

“You are absolutely mad?? To flee the ship? To leave with his _wench_? She means NOTHING to you, Commander Ren. As soon as you’re given the chance, you’ll leave her for _dead_.”

Our eyes met as our heads shifted towards each other in perfect synchronization.

He nodded. I nodded.

“What in the Hell are you two doing?” His accent was a sputtering mess of words and drool past his peach lips.

A beat.

“You wish to accomplish something neither man, nor woman could ever, in _light speed_ , survive? You wish to escape the grasp of Supreme Leader Snoke? You wish to overthrow the very center of our galaxy? You wish to overthrow _The First Order_?? Well, so be it! Be my gue-“

The General was cut short by two pairs of hands constricting at his throat. He was lifted from the ground, hovering high, feet kicking as his body dangled like a chandelier above our heads.

Kylo’s hands and mine, outstretched into space as we manipulated the man’s body before us. The Force leapt from within, rushing like a river. We barreled back, knees bending to give us both more support as the energy rolled us across the tiles.

The skin of the man was beginning to break, eyes rolling back, cheeks turning purple, hands turning pearl. I turned slowly to Kylo, asking silent permission to take the lead. He nodded, drifting his hold down to the General’s ankles, leaving me at the mercy of his throat.

I curled my fingers, feeling the crushing of his windpipe beneath my grasp. I took a deep breath in, allowing it to settle. I could feel the man’s pulse begin to slow. I counted each beat until two, sharp snapping sounds broke my concentration.

I let go of General Hux, and as his body fell like a pile of papers to the floor, his ankles completely caving in on themselves.

He took the air back into his lungs in desperation, gearing up to scream as the pain from the broken bones in his feet became all too apparent to ignore.

“ _YOU…BLOODY…BASTARDS…_ ”

Kylo stood over the man’s cowering form, hand teasing him for one final blow, “Last chance to save yourself, General.”

As Hux pealed his gaze, a gloss of sweat slick over his pale forehead, I could’ve sworn I saw him tremble. Fear was present and he could no longer deny that fact.

_“Long…live…The First…Order.”_


	7. Love, There Is Such a Thing

We had made our way through the passageway at this point, leaving the General behind, a broken mess on the floor. By the time he would be found and stitched back together again, we would’ve made it half way around the galaxy, but we weren't about to wait for that to play out. We had to keep moving.

“We’re not too far off from where we need to be, but we should take a moment to rest. You need your energy. No one will find us here. I know that for certain.”

I shook my head, “I should be fine, Kylo, just a few more-“

As if on cue, I lost my balance, the weight of over-exertion settling like a boulder on the top of my head. He wasn’t kidding when he said I needed time to master such a move. Kylo was quick to sling his arm around my waist before I could hit the floor.

“-Steps…” I finished, sheepishly.

He pulled me and my limping legs over to an unkempt construction area, opening the hatch to an old, dusty supply closet.

I let a finger trace one of the shelving units, collecting a soft, grey film on the tip.

“What is this place? Seems like it’s been decades since this area had residents.”

Kylo took a cotton paint tarp from one of the storage cabinets, unfolded it carefully, and placed it over the floor to cover the cold concrete.

“I tend to get a bit forgetful,” He said, hands smoothing out the fabric before placing his bottom down, “Especially as of late. I was set to make renovations down here-“

“ _Ahhh…_ ” I voiced, a smirk spreading across my cheeks as I followed him onto the floor, “A place for whores and alcoholic beverages…?” I asked.

Kylo chuckled, eyes squinting as he placed my body between his long legs. My frame fit his like the pieces of a puzzle, the flat of my back flushed to his chest as he wrapped his biceps around my shoulders.

“Something like that, dove.” He said with a soft sneer, finger nimbly tracing the line of my jaw.

I leaned my head back into his collarbone, relishing in the serenity of the moment. He knew, in more ways than one, how to put my mind at ease.

“What you did out there...I was… _awestruck_.” He rattled off, hands playing with the lower hem of my top.

I blew the air out of my cheeks, allowing myself to drift away as my eyes fluttered closed, “Now I know why you said that move would be so difficult. I can’t imagine how I would’ve accomplished it without you there.”

He chuckled softly, “All in time.”

“Kylo…?” My voice piped up, filling the empty sound of silence.

He looked down at me, tired eyes softening upon entering my eye line.

“What was your mother like…?” I asked gently, nervously pulling on the splayed thread of my sleeve.

He sighed, cheek against my hair, fingers combing through it.

“She was a beautiful woman. Kind, strong-willed, taught me what it meant to be a man…maybe even more so than my father.” He looked to the ceiling, allowing the smallest of laughs to escape him.

My smile was soft, almost appreciative as I imagined a young Kylo Ren in the kitchen, pulling on his mother’s apron while his father, may he rest in eternal peace, had his hand slapped away from the cookies in the process of being baked.

“Sons have soft hearts for their mothers.” Kylo noted, pulling me out of my head for a moment.

“…And for unsuspecting emotional support operatives…” I joked, the point of a finger landing into his chest.

He took it in his hand and placed his lips against it. The kiss climbed from my bed of my nail to the top of my hand, down my forearm, and into my shoulder. A giggle tumbled from my throat as he nuzzled his nose into my neck, blowing air into the space between.

As he pulled back, I could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, air like the ocean in the shell of my ear.

“I always knew, somewhere inside, that what they said was untrue.” I murmured lips barely moving.

His head fell to the side, eyes questioning.

I continued, “They see you as soulless. Some say you could put a pebble in your place and they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

I pictured a small stone, unstaring eyes painted on, stationed at the very front of the ship in a tiny cape. I laughed lightly, tracing the veins on the backs of Kylo’s hands.

“Although, I suppose a pebble wouldn’t make _nearly_ as much noise.” I scoffed, playfully nudging into him.

“…And now…?” He asked, slightly amused.

I turned my head to look up at him, and as I did so, I was immediately met with large, unblinking eyes.

“I suppose you do have a soul, after all.”

Our foreheads pressed together for a short while, a toothy grin stretching across his cheeks. The skin of his hands traced every inch of my mine, fingers reaching, curling into my hair, tongue gliding over his plumped bottom lip.

“Beautiful.” He said in a breath.

I swallowed hard as the feeling of fear dug a hole in my stomach. It hit like freight train, the reason why him and I were hiding away in this dirty closet to begin with. The fact that, for some reason, we needed to depart from this ship, from The First Order, and leave our old lives behind…

“Kylo…”

“Yes, Everly…?”

I chewed at my lower lip, nearly puncturing the skin and drawing blood.

“Whatever the reason we’re here…whatever happens to us...I just want to know that all of this is _real_ …that _you_ are real. Everything that happened in our sessions, in our time together…I want to know that it meant something…” I paused, breath shaking, “And that if this is a Force vision, I…I don’t ever want to wake.”

“Has Hux gotten in your head, dove…?” He asked cautiously, eyebrows painfully furrowed.

I slowly removed his hand from my face, taking a deep breath in and letting it simmer.

“I suppose…”

He was silent.

He reached for me, hand coming, a cup to my temple, slowly lowering my head until it met the spot of his sternum above his heart.

“Just close your eyes and listen…I surrendered it to you the moment we met…the most unforgiving, unwavering part of me.”

I let my eyes grow heavy as the sound of his voice rumbled in his chest. The beating of his heart; a song.

“I will fight for you until it stops. Every moment I’ve fought before has been for me and me alone. I have a new purpose now. My heart knows a new owner.”

A solid lump settled in my throat as I choked back the waterworks that threatened my tear ducts. He brushed a spool of hair away from my face, tender lips pressing warmly into my skin.

“It’s the only sound in the galaxy that reminds me that this isn’t just a dream.” I said softly.

I traced a small pattern on his sweater as each beat brought me closer and closer to pure, angelic tranquility.

_“Everly of my heart.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick, fluff chapter to get you through the night. Fair warning, you'll need this level of comfort once we get to the finale...😘  
> -K xx


	8. Our Most Desperate Hour

I stretched my body after a few, blissful moments of recharging, ligaments feeling like gelatin as we prepared for our last leg of the journey. The sound of his voice in my ear and the feeling of his body gave me all that I required to clear my head for the rest of the time.

We exited the closet, making our way down to the final level of the ship where Kylo’s personal shuttled waited patiently for us.

“Troopers on our left.” I noted quickly as we stepped through the hatch.

Kylo’s brow furrowed innocently. It seemed as though, for a moment, he had completely forgotten the fact that we was their leader.

“Official, Commander.” The one bucket-headed man addressed.

“Gentlemen.” I nodded in their direction, shoulders pinned back assertively.

The two stared at us, helmets obscuring the expressions on their faces. Despite being unable to see their eyes, it was clear that they were unknowing of the context behind the situation.

Kylo attempted to the best of his ability to seem stronger in that moment than he felt, but it was no use. It was all too obvious that he feared being caught by his cohorts. He shrunk like a child afraid of being snitched on.

I inhaled deeply, focusing all my energy into manipulation. There was only one way to avoid confrontation.

The old Jedi mind trick.

“You will not follow us.” My posture came to a point as my hand waved over the clunky, white helmets before me.

The helmets tilted to the side, a beat passing before they responded.

“We will not follow you.”

“You will allow us to pass through here.” I noted, matter-of-factly.

“You are free to pass through here.” They said, stepping off to the side, arms thoughtfully guiding us through.

I nodded shortly, passing them by, Kylo at my heel.

“You truly amaze me.” He said, exhaling his anxious energy.

We walked step by step, breath by breath, the feeling of excitement, of independence, causing a buzz to my nervous system.

My voice was low as I spoke, head craning to look up at the man looming next to me, “What awaits us on the other side, _Master_ …?” I asked warmly.

He couldn’t hold back a smile, letting it spread, head held high as he spoke, “Warm nights in Jakku, a quaint cottage in the middle of the desert…away from here, away from civilization. Away from all that could potentially hurt us.”

I sighed, deep and slow, the visual that presented itself settling like a freshly burning campfire on a snow planet. The comfort it brought. I could feel it seething through the spaces between my fingers. We would spend the rest of our days together. He saw it at clearly as I did.

_Halt._

Out of nowhere, Kylo stiffened, hand finding the crease of my waist and practically throwing me behind him full force as he bolted back.

“Knights of Ren.” He murmured, scooting our bodies around the corner, neck craning to keep an eye out.

My tongue turned to sandpaper, the taste of freedom I thought I would sense on the tip of my taste buds now so very distant.

“W-what do we do…?” I asked, staring wide-eyed.

“They were sent here by Snoke. I sense it. They _know_.”

The calluses of his palms met with the supple skin of my cheeks in an instant. He looked into my eyes, pupils expanding. Every beautiful flaw of his face was traced slowly and meticulously with my gaze. I refused to take this moment for granted. I wasn't sure if it would be our last.

“Everly, we have to make it past them. You need to keep yourself out of this. Let me deal with it."

I nodded slowly as he removed himself from me. He leisurely, confidently came around the bend, me silently following suit but hanging a few steps behind.

I could feel my body shrink its size as four mountain men stepped forward, hideous weapons in enormous, gloved fists.

“Knights…” Kylo murmured, addressing them properly.

I could sense his fear as he spoke, the cadence of his voice coming and going in waves. It climbed from the deepest depths of his stomach and spewed over. The four men stepped forward, unspeaking, jabbing their weaponry dangerously close. The need to protect stung, a needlepoint into my very center and I couldn't prevent my body from floating all the way over to the man's heels again.

Kylo’s hands fluttered around to find me again, anxiously forcing me back.

“Everly, stay back. Please.”

The next few moments were a menagerie of Force pushes against metal, Kylo’s saber whizzing effortlessly through the air, cutting through the thickness of tension, and the four gargantuan men, practically salivating as they attempted to put an end to their obvious target.

My body shrunk; a practically invisible mouse in the corner of the room. A blanket of perspiration surrounded my entire body, slick over the skin. My eyes refused to move from the men as they fought…as if, at any moment, their spears would slice through my only hope of salvation.

Quicker than a blink, Kylo was caught, a huge bicep crushing into his throat, forcing him into a dramatic headlock. He attempted to free himself for only a moment before his body grew limp, feet sliding over the tiles.

One of the men stopped cold as he traced the line from Kylo’s eyes to mine. His expression, an inferno behind the mask he donned as two massive fingers pointed in my direction. The other two men nodded in response, stalking forward, eyeing up for the kill.

In that moment, I did all I knew I could… _I ran_.

The Force refused to come to me now. Pure fear, an unforgiving blaze through my chest. I pumped my arms as fast as I could down the hall, the sound of clunky boots not even a few footsteps behind me. My body was scrapped from the ground with a single swoop of an arm. It pulled my body up like a transport shuttle taking a boatload of passengers.

We were stuck now. Big, meaty arms trapped around our much tinier torsos. I thrashed. Kylo turned, eyes sullen. He shook his head. He had given in.

It all became clear to me.

This was it.

The final boss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo, Grace. Ooooooo, Grace. (You understand the reference, you get major brownie points). This is it, you guys! This chapter is honestly just a filler before the big 'ol chapter 9. Get ready. It's comin'.  
> -K xx


	9. A Crown for the King and Queen

Our nearly lifeless forms were dragged by the Knights of Ren and discarded haphazardly into the throne room.

The two of us were tossed to our knees, bodies bending over as the door squeaked and slammed behind us.

Darkness was ever present. The area surrounding us was exactly as I had envisioned it; a room of shadows, illuminated only by the faint lights that were pushed into the walls and ceiling. The chill in the air rolled over my skin and settled into each pore, pushing each little hair to a point.

Two, large, unoccupied thrones sat at the very center of it all. They were as black as pitch, made of shining stone; cracks splicing through rock, evidence of ages worth of wear and tear.

As if they had eyes, they stared back at us.

We were silent, fearful of even breathing, afraid that the resonation alone could cause the structure to collapse in on itself and hurdle us into an oxygenless space. The only sound of note was the moderate shifting of our bodies.

Supreme Leader Snoke.

A floating apparition of sorts, strung by a pulley that sat his fragile body into a seat of red velvet off to the side. His robes flew through the air, coming to drape over the sides of his seat as his skeletal body was placed gingerly into it. He didn't even seem real. His voice came out in a sneer that scraped his vocal folds, wicked and without promise.

“Official 1311, I have heard only stories, but it is now that we finally come face to face.”

Silence.

“And Commander Kylo Ren…in all my time, I have never once had an apprentice of mine attempt to flee…with a _woman_.”

“S-Supreme Leader, sir-“ Kylo’s voice squeezed through his trembling lips, barely able to make it over the hurdles of his teeth.

Snoke’s wrinkled finger jabbed in his direction, “I knew, Commander Ren, that the light lived in you. You attempted to persuade me otherwise, but I saw right through it.”

Kylo’s eyes refused to meet the demented figure before him. His dark tresses hung in wet, sweat-soaked waves over his face as he hung his head in shame. His entire body curled in on itself, making him much smaller.

“And _you_ …”

The creature’s voice was bitter as he addressed me, his angular nose scrunching all the way up to his misplaced eyes.

“You _too_ dip your feet too deep into the side of the light, Official 1311, Everly of no family name, using tactics much like the ones used by the Jedi to patch the precious wounds of Kylo’s seemingly blackened heart.”

The words were like lemon juice, causing a feverish sweat to congeal over my forehead.

“From the moment this young officer entered your line of sight, Commander, you saw nothing but the light. Even in killing your father did you fail to impress me. It eats at your conscious and you can’t help but give into the feelings of guilt that shake you awake.”

Silence.

“The vision… _your_ vision, Everly of The First Order…or should I even refer to you as such…?”

As he spoke the words, a pain unknown to me flashed like lightning in a glass bottle. A searing ache that cracked right through the center of my skull made itself present. An agonized scream left my throat as I crumbled flat against my palms, reaching out in desperation to rip the torture from my head.

“Stop! Stop! Make it stop! P-please!”

Kylo’s head snapped over to me, breath hitching like a twisted wire in his throat as I called out. Snoke stopped his torturous advances, a thin, wisp of a smile fluttering across his sunken in cheeks. I placed my shaking hands to the sides of my head, combing through my hair to tend to pain that directly subsided.

“You see yourself with him. Hand in hand at the front end of the galactic order…and you, Commander, see the very same.”

In all this time, I thought he had searched my mind to see what I saw the moment we met, but in fact, the vision… _his_ vision…it was, in every way, shape, and form, identical to mine.

Snoke’s bony hand stretched forward, The Force flowing freely from the dried pads of his fingertips. It hit us both in tandem as he lifted our bodies off of the floor with ease. I grunted, the feeling beating bruises into my body, assaulting my skin.

“If it is the throne you so seek, then the throne you shall have!” He called out, launching us into the two chairs positioned in the center of the shaded room.

I, in one, him in the other.

We grunted, the feeling of concrete slamming into our bodies, nearly breaking bone.

“There is, but ONE problem, my dear, sweet children…only those in tune with the dark side of The Force can land themselves here…in order to get what you desire… _a gift_ …” He voice was a flourish over his snake-like tongue.

Our bodies thrashed viciously as The Force pushed us like a stone wall against the seats, an invisible entity pinning our arms and legs, as if magnets were placed in our muscles.

“A crown for the king and queen!”

The man’s voice was but a whisper as an unbelievably fierce pain presented itself with a vengeance to us both. It was a stream of molten lava flowing through the veins that climbed a rope to our heads, melting the contents within our skulls. It bubbled and crackled; the feeling of thunder, of electrocution.

The scream I emanated came from the deepest depths of my soul, leaving my throat immensely raw, but his cry was much worse…a loud, pulse-pounding blast that nearly split his neck into two, leaving him red in the face.

A headache, truly death-defying.

“Yes! Yes! Give into it! The dark that flows within you! Let it be so!”

Out of the corner of my eye, in my moment of undeniable weakness, I saw his hand.

I came out from his side, a firm stretch, frantic for my touch as his fingers splayed out, seeking me. I shut my eyes as tightly as I could, mustering all my physical strength to slide my arm towards his. It was nearly impossible to move, but the warmth of his touch was my last hope of living.

Our hands met then. Fingers weaving desperately, palms pressing together. The only feeling that could mask this pain was him. It was only ever him. His skin…the feeling of warmth…humanity…serenity… _peace_.

_The first meeting._

_Fights that turned to peaceful moments alone._

_The first time I held him close._

_The first time I heard his heart._

_The first time his lips met my skin._

_It was him._

_Always him._

The agony. As quickly as it came, it departed, leaving my body a limp shamble against the arctic concrete of the throne. My vision blurred, a grey film completely clouding my sight. Breaths wracked my chest as I shimmied myself to a partially sitting position. I placed my palm against the center of my forehead, taking a moment to regain my composure.

“K-Kylo…?” His name escaped from me, a soft, strained whisper as I searched the room for him, but it was nearly impossible given my current state.

As I slowly craned my neck to the side, it was then that his massive frame came into view. The Force around him manipulated his body until he was standing like a statue on his feet. His legs were shockingly strong, thick, stable polls as he gradually turned in the direction of sound.

Silence.

And then.

 _Realization_.

“…K-Kylo…n-no…” The words flew from the crevices of my mouth as I sank back down again, desperately seeking solace in the seat, believing for a short moment that I could sink right through the stone.

I hoped to the Gods I would.

The line of his jaw twitched, lips shaking until they formed a thin, white line across his face. The blood in his cheek had left, leaving a pale exterior that allowed the blue of his veins to come into view. They pulsed strong and hard against his neck. Our eyes locked; the whites of his replaced with a rashy irritation of red.

“Do it, Master Ren. _Destroy the light._ ” Snoke’s voice was but a disjointed sound fizzling through the air.

I firmly shut my eyes, focusing all my faith into The Force until the only sound that resonated with me was the shooting of his saber.

I sprinted on unbalanced legs, calves nearly concaving as I bounded for safety, wherever I could find it. The Force in my arm shot in his direction, the desperate strength nearly piercing him as his saber launched towards me. The weapon wined in the air as he double-handed it. I ducked, I rolled, body to the floor as the laser was met with the fabric of my top.

With every shot came another dodge. With every thrash of his saber came another dodge. The two of were met in an ultimate stalemate.

“Kylo! No!” I called out, hoping that the sound of my voice would shake him from his trance.

I backed up into the wall then, lungs on fire, unable to escape him as he finally had me cornered. His figured loomed like a building over top of me and the gentle moan of his saber sounded at his side.

Never, in my life, had I feared him…never, until now.

“P-please…please, Kylo…it’s ME, Kylo…it’s ME…” I cried, tears now draining from my eyes and falling in thick waterfalls down my cheeks.

He stopped cold, expression unblinking as he reached me. I allowed my curtains of my lids to flip over as I took a shaky inhale, _maybe my last._

I opened them one final time, eyes locking on his.

It was still him. Nothing could change that fact. His face, beautiful features prominent now more than ever in the shining light of his crimson saber. My hand shook as it reached the side of his face, finding a home there. My thumb ran over the birthmarks painted on his skin, savoring the feeling of each tiny hill. My pinky graced the vein in his neck, taking in each and every pulse. He was human.

He was _real_.

The whizz of his saber curling back into its shell sounded, leaving only the metallic husk in his palms. I stifled a breath of relief as we stood so close together. My lashes fluttered dramatically, unable to hold back the emotions that tore full-throttle through my body.

_“Kylo…I love you.”_

The sentence flew like birds through my mouth without even stuttering. I meant it in every sense. In every moment we had spent together in his quarters. In every time I heard the beautiful beating of his heart. I loved him. I loved all of him.

His lips motioned, as if to say something in response as he continued to stare.

He brought the object down until, out of nowhere, I was met with warmth. Not of a body, but of a thread of red light. It beamed beautifully, tantalizingly, as a fire erupted within my belly. It felt like a paper cut on the tip of my finger in comparison to the pain that settled into my chest as I looked down in revelation. I was impaled like a kabob, blood slowly leaking from my center. Kylo pulled away as I sstumbled back. The ssaber wasnow at his side, hand hanging loosely. My bottom _hitttthe floor as I let out a ggasp of air and it left my lungs in desperate attemptto…_

He looked down at me, unmoving.

I was met with darkness.

\---

My thoughts and feelings had been taken from me, altered. An immense headache, the first of my worries. My form collapsed, tiles of the floor cracking the curvature of my knees as I fell to them. Chest heaving from exhaust, I motioned my head upwards, and it was then that I saw it…I saw _her_ …

 _Everly_.

Her body splayed like a starfish over the floor, a trail of crimson blood seeping from a hole in her stomach. It soaked between her fingers as she pressed into the wound in desperation for it to close. Her eyes scanned rapidly over the room, as if the walls would materialize and nurse her to health. She was dying.

_No._

_NO._

It was as if the life in my body had left, leaving only its shell. My heart hammered to the point where I could hear it through the frame of my chest. The air refused to enter my lungs, something tightly constricting my throat until it felt like sipping through a straw.

“Leave her, Ren! Let her die!”

_Anger._

_Denial._

_Fear._

The strongest of emotions came flooding to me in an instant. I took my saber without looking, without even thinking, using every bit of physical strength I had left to boomerang the object over to my target. I heard the fiery blade hit the body. He couldn’t even attempt to stop it as it sliced right through his torso like a freshly cooked steak. Not even a groan left his flakey lips as his body split into two.

I ran.

Upon reaching her, I lowered myself, taking her, and placing her fragile body over my thighs. I held her as tightly as I could without breaking her. She looked up as tears moistened the apples of her color-drained cheeks.

“K-Kylo…is-is it-…?”

“Yes, yes, it’s me…it’s me…” I said breathlessly, thankful in that moment just to hear the gorgeous sound of her voice.

A twitch of a smile emphasized the dimple in her cheek for a moment, fluid now leaking slowly from her lips as she coughed.

“Come here...come here….” I rattled, forearms snaking around her trembling frame as I hoisted her to my chest.

She took to the gesture with ease, gently snuggling, a cat seeking warmth as her body grew colder.

“I always knew…t-that one way or another…I’d s-slip up.” She breathed out, the smallest of smiles playing on pale purple lips.

“Nonono. Don’t say that.” Thumb ridding her lower lip from the blood that began to dribble down.

She groaned, tilting her head back, seeking relief in whatever she could find.

“K-Kylo…I-“

I bit my lower lip until the sharpness of my incisor pierced right through, “Does it… _hurt_ …?” I asked, a lump tangling my vocal chords.

“N-n-no…” She voiced, not even wincing through the pain I knew she felt deep down inside, “I just…f-feel…y-you.”

Even on the door of death did she insist on showing her bravery.

I sat with the beautiful, dying woman wrapped up in my arms. I cradled her like a small child, feeling her breath against my neck become slower, sparser.

 _“M-Master R-Ren...”_ She voiced in a whisper, lips barely moving now.

“My dove.” I choked on the words.

Her eyes were glass, hand reaching one last time to savor the feeling of skin.

_“E-even in d-darkness…could I see…the light…in you…”_

In an instant, her eyes rolled back, the life in them leaving and her pupils shrinking as she stared blankly into the space between us.

 _No_.

Placing my hand over her wound, I said a silent prayer. I had never once attempted this action, so the odds of it working in my favor were immensely slim.

 _No_.

My eyes frantically scanned the area, for someone, something, _anything_ , before realizing how alone I truly was…and with that, I could no longer hold back the sobs. They came in rough, emotional heaves through my chest as I stared down at her lifeless body. Every ounce of my being broke and left with her.

“P-please…Everly…please…”

I wrapped my arms tightly around her, holding her to my heart as if the sound of my life would give her back hers. I rocked back and forth, palm finding its way to the spot where her wound was. I swallowed down every last inch of reservation.

_“Be…with…me…”_

I felt the energy around all things as it slowly but surely found its way to me. It climbed from every corner of the room, small speckles of invisible gold that ran through the tips of my fingers, shooting from the beds of my nails. I took deep, steady breaths, hoping to the Gods that I could force the wound to close and bring life back to her blood. I felt the rawness of the wound slowly shrink under my palms, the skin fusing as if it had never been punctured.

Focus. Poise.

It was in the silence of the room that I heard it.

Her heart.

Her _life_.

Her eyes…angelic, alive…peeled up to look at me. She placed her hand gingerly over my own, the feeling of warmth returning to her peach pink hands. I sat, a small, subtle gasp falling from my throat as a smile returned to her lips, the blood on her tongue vanishing. Tears fell from my eyes, rainwater over her cheeks as I sat in awe.

_"E-Everly..."_

_“Ben.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aH! We have reached my TRUE pride and joy of this story! It was actually the first scene that came to mind when I went through the motions of turning this oneshot into a multi-chapter. It was so emotionally raw to write and I enjoyed every second. I hold you all enjoyed as much...and hopefully, I didn't get y'all TOO far in your feels. 😘
> 
> One chapter left, my friends!  
> -K xx


	10. Healed

To kiss another person. To show what I means to love.

Love. It _did_ exist in me.

As quickly as she came to, our lips were feverishly pressed. Hers were soft, warm, the smoothness of her slick skin gliding so effortlessly over mine. She tasted of hope, of desire. It was a feeling I thought, in my life, I’d never be fortunate enough to feel. Her hands traced the lines of my face, refusing to take even a millisecond of time away from us as her thumbs pulled at my collarbones. My arms held her as if she were the last person alive; as if her form could turn to oil and slip right through my watery grasp. I would never again take her for granted.

As we slowly pulled away, the first thing to come into view were her eyes. They glistened like porcelain, warm, round, and ready for whatever passage lie ahead. The biggest of smiles stretched like putty over her cheeks and her lips gently quivered as she spoke.

“It-…it _is_ you…” She uttered, tears falling silently from her lids as she pressed her palms desperately into the sides of my face.

I leaned into her hands, a toothy grin forcing itself forward, “It was _always_ me.”

A small, innocent sob escaped her as her arms slung around my neck. She yanked me forward, burrowing her nose into the crevice of my shoulder. My hand ran up and down her back, savoring the feeling of her body clinging to mine.

“I thought-…I thought I lost you.” She said between hiccups, pulling away to press her forehead against mine, my nose sweetly sliding against hers.

“I thought I lost _you_.” I said, hardened voice failing and breaking.

I reached down, pausing for a moment as my hand hovered over the spot where her wound had been. My chest constricted, a sensation I could hardly even stomach. A lump the size of a small planet congealed at the base of my throat and I hoped that words would dislodge it.

  
“I can never take back what I-“

“Shhh,” She hushed, her tiny pointer finger over my lips, gaze refusing to fall and miss a moment.

“But you _did_.”

I cupped my hand over the side of her face, the other finding hers and pressing it into my chest, feeling my heart vulnerably race beneath it.

“Everly, I pushed it away for so long, to a point where I firmly denied its existence…to have a heart break and still beat and to _suffer_ with that...and now…I want nothing more than to savor every moment of the life I thought I had lost…I now know what it means to feel…and I feel that I am _unconditionally_ and _overwhelmingly_ in love with you.”

  
The words walked on their own, barely making it past my tongue before her lips were once again on mine. She moaned into me, breathing air into my lungs as I took her in. We stayed that way, kissing back and forth as if our lives depended on it, as if we had been poisoned and our lips were the only antidote within a 100-mile radius. I pulled back slowly, motioning for us to stand.

“We should be getting out of here. It isn’t safe for us to extend our welcome.” I noted curtly.

I took a hold of her hand to help her up, and as she stood, she stared.

“Well…Ben…?” She asked, bodies face to face and hands laced.

My birth name was heart-stopping on her lips and I drank it in. I looked down at her tiny frame as she looked up at mine. _Gods_. She was _breathtaking_. She smiled, her pink cheeks positively radiant.

  
“What journey awaits us…?”

\---

The suns. They caused shadows to cascade, yellow orange orbs dipping like golden fire over the hills. A warm wind fingered through the gentle curls that ran in waves down my chest. I took a deep breath in and spread my fingers to the heavens, allowing the scent of sand and supper to consume me.

  
Without warning, a pair of strong arms came around me from behind, causing me to jump at attention. A voice in my ear bent down and chuckled in amusement.

“Dinner’s almost ready, _Mrs. Sol_ o.” Ben spoke, the low cadence of his voice dancing along every crease.

He leaned into me, lips to my neck. They drew the smallest of circles over my skin, savoring flavors of salt and perfume. I took in a breath and allowed it to trickle out.

“ _Soon-to-be_ , Mr. Solo.” I noted with glint of sarcasm in my eye, raising my left hand in admiration of the tiny pearl resting upon my ring finger.

He took his much larger hand under mine, staring deeply into the glistening pebble, fingers beginning to trace every line, dimple, and freckle on my hand.

“10 days, 45 minutes, and 10 seconds until then, if we’re counting…” He stated, matter-of-factly, earning a small set of laughs from my end.

“Just a moment. I don’t want to miss this.” I said in a trace-like state as my eyes followed the horizon.

He chuckled, the warmth of breath tickling the hairs on my neck, “I surely thought that 100 sunsets would’ve been enough for you.”

A giggle tumbled passed my teeth as my body leaned back into the softness of his chest, the sensation of his muscled pecs drawing me nearer.

“Never enough.” I noted, tilting my head off to the side as I continued to stare out in admiration of the elegance of the setting suns.

His fingers came across my cheek then, rounding my jaw, pinching my chin, and pulling me into his line of sight. His eyes were stars to me.

“My dove.”

I beamed; thumb hovering over his plump lower lip, “My Ben.”

  
We kissed, slowly, meticulously. My nails combed through his hair, careful not to mess with the bun that pulled most of his black locks back. My chest rose and fell quickly as the kiss intensified, but Ben was quick to peel away when it did.

“We should save some of this for later, huh…?” His breath shook as his attempts to catch it were futile.

I quickly nodded, a soft giggle hurrying out as I placed an extra kiss on the back of his hand.

“Hey. Before we go back inside, I have something I wanna show you.” I said, gaze finding itself over the tops of my feet.

“Oh…?” He voiced, eyebrows furrowing low, casting a dark shadow under his lids.

I smiled small, peering up at him, “Don’t worry. I think you’ll like it.”

I placed my hand in his and walked just a few steps away from the back of our cozy dwelling. I relished in these moments. The world around us fell almost entirely silent, leaving us to our own devices, ruling the galactic order of our household.

  
I slowly let go of his hand and motioned over.

  
“ _Surpriseee_.”

He stood like a sculpture, eyes scanning the area in front of him without even moving his neck. He took a sharp inhale of shaking breath before speaking as he realized.

“Everly… _w-what_...?”

In front of us was a small, flat stone surrounded by a tiny garden of fresh, blue lilies. The stone had been carved by hand and placed into a small plot of soft dirt. Two names carefully engraved.

_Han Solo and Leia Organa._

The tears from his eyes flowed freely, no need to bite them back now. He took a small step over to the garden, continuing to scan the space, afraid that reaching out and touching it would cause it to disintegrate.

“Your mother and father deserve a place, not just in your heart, but in our home. I might not have come from a family of note, but _you_ did, and Gods...they loved you _so_ dearly.”

He bent down, his calloused fingers tracing through every line of my artistic penmanship.

“Ben Solo was just a _child_ …he had a beautiful family that taught him everything there is to know in this world…they kissed him goodnight, they nursed his wounds, they showed it what it meant to be a man…a man with a strong heart and an even stronger ability to love.”

He looked up, eyes red from the tears that fanned over the freckles on his cheeks. He could hardly take a breath as he stood in awe. I swallowed hard, eyes raking over him.

“And Ben Solo _didn’t_ kill his father…”

With that, he bounded for me, arms wider than barrels wrapping around my torso. His face nuzzled into my neck and I could feel the tears hydrate the skin of my bare shoulder. As he let the cries wreck havoc on his body, stifling as best as he could by pressing his lips farther into me, I held him close. We rocked side to side for a few moments before he was once again able to speak.

“It’s beautiful, my dove… _SO_ _beautiful_ …”

I pulled his head up, thumbing the tears away from his eyes.

“They would’ve loved you, Everly…a little _scoundrel_ like yourself…” He chuckled, taking my chin once again between the tips of his fingers.

He stared as if he could see the entire widespread universe in the spheres of my eyes, and I knew he could because staring into his, I could see mine.

“ _Scoundrel?_...I like the sound of that.” I hummed, a smirk finding its way to me.

He pulled me into him, ear to his chest. His heart beat strong and steadily into my ear as it always had, and always would. I traced gentle patterns into his blue grey sweater as he curled his firm fingers into my hair. This was what it meant to be _free_.

Our foreheads pressed together.

He sighed. I sighed.

I was home.

And he.

He was _healed_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY. FIRST. FINISHED. FANFIC.
> 
> Oh wow. When I tell you that this has been a JOURNEY, I mean that in the BEST way possible. Writing something like this has been a learning experience, but I have enjoyed every goddamn second. I dedicate this story to the beautiful ladies of The Thirst Order. Without them, this thing would have never seen the light of day.
> 
> And a SPECIAL dedication to my best friend, my French Canadian sweetheart, my cosmic twin...LadyRen, the OFFICIAL Official 1311, ANN of The First Order, MY dove. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your unwavering, overwhelming love and support.
> 
> Thank you ALL for reading. It means SO much.  
> I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!  
> -K xx


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